Why I would rather date a Hispanic chick than a Palestinian bird.

It seems odd that I would need to outline my thoughts on this subject matter. I am faced neither with the prospect of dating a Hispanic or Palestinian woman at the moment – let alone dating anyone. But, I suppose, there comes a time when you just have to put it out there. Guidelines are needed. There are not enough in life and I thought that my own attempt to make heads and tails of this hypothetical quandary could be of use to other people out there like me, assuming that there are other people out there like me.

First and foremost, a Hispanic girls have an accent that drives me wild. Rosie Perez aside, I am totally in love with the female lead on the new Jason Lee sitcom “My Name is Earl,” which also happens to be a great show. Palestinian women, while they do have an accent, just doesn’t do it for me. And even if it did on some level, it just doesn’t compare to a hot, Hispanic calling me “pappy” in the throws of passion.

The food is better. Though I do enjoy a good humus and possibly whatever else Palestinian people eat I imagine it can’t be nearly as good as whatever I think my Hispanic girlfriend’s mom would cook for me.

Hispanic chicks dress so much fucking hotter than Palestinian chicks. Granted, I have never scene a hot, Palestinian bird wearing nothing but her hijab, which, I assume could be cool, the prospect of Daisy Dukes and a tube top calls for a notebook like nothing else.

I understand that not all Muslims observe the laws of Islam and that it is certainly within the realm of possibilities that I could date a Palestinian chick who would be willing to go to the bar with me and my friends and drink and eat all the same crap that we like to drink and eat. But, at the end of the day, there just isn’t going to be any awkward questioning by my Hispanic girlfriend’s grandparents about whether she’s been drinking beer or sucking the cock of Jewish swine. I do also acknowledge that there are also hot, Christian, Palestinian birds. But, see previous and forthcoming reasons as to why this possibility alone would not suffice. Plus, they still might not like the cock of Jewish swine.

As a Jew, I don’t think I’m allowed to enter Palestinian territory – at least according to the soldier who threatened to arrest me trying to cross from Bethlehem into Jerusalem not too long ago. And, for sure, there’s probably no fucking way the IDF is going to allow a hot Palestinian chick to come to Tel Aviv because she has a date with me. As for my Hispanic girlfriend, she’d be allowed to visit me in Israel as long as she has a written letter from me stating that she is coming to Israel to visit an actual person and not to work illegally cleaning homes or working in a brothel. But why would I want to date a house-cleaning whore anyway? As for me visiting her – well, I’m not really sure where Hispanic girls come from. Just that they’re hot.

Hispanic chicks have better tits than Palestinian chicks.

My imaginary Hispanic girlfriend would probably have access to some fucking really good weed. Where as my pretend Palestinian girlfriend would most likely only be able to get crappy desert skunk.

I’ve never read anything, anywhere about Hispanic honor killings. And, that’s some fucked up shit.

I don’t think dating a Hispanic bird would bring with it the annoying component of second-rate journalists and various Jewish newspapers wanting to write human interest stories about the “Love that was not meant to be.” All the time I would have to spend conducting interviews with my Palestinian chick could be spent fucking my Hispanic number.

Last, there’s no such thing as a Palestinian. Think about it.