It’s not a “mezu-zah” it’s a “mezu-zon’t”

In both my previous and current apartments I removed the mezuzahs from my doorposts. For better or for worse, but really for worse, mostly every building in Israel has a mezuzah on just about every doorpost, as dictated by Jewish law. This does not apply to the bathroom because you know what you do in there. And for reasons unexplained, it does not apply to one’s bedroom, or any other room for that matter, where (dependent upon your level of sexual perversity) one partner masturbates while the other partner shits and/or pees on the other’s face – all under the divine protection of the torahnic versus contained within.

As a non-practicing, uninterested Jew the idea of having a mezuzah on any of my doorposts seems contradictory to my desire to minimize, as much as possible, religious manifestations in my personal life. It is very important that this includes the piece of parchment encased in a crappy piece of plastic (or expensive and ornate piece of judaica if you live in cap loving America) despite the fact that it comes free with the dwelling. Which leads me to my next point, the religious coercion that is a “free mezuzah.” All Jews are genetically programmed to desire free goods, but should it also be forbidden, such as ham, or undesirable, as is a mezuzah, then there is a natural quandary as which path to pursue, free or forbidden. The important point here is that in along these terms a mezuzah is equal to ham, though not as delicious, unless deep fried but then again what isn’t delicious if it’s deep fried, like chicken fried steak, okra, snickers, oreo cookies and, of course, a mezuzah with a ham parchment inscribed with the holy words of the shma prayer rolled up inside it.

Unfortunately, I am forced to report that the overwhelming majority of Israeli Jews, secular as they may be, have given in en masse to their genetic programming. The mezuzah remains possibly the single most widespread occurrence that is religious in origin. However, it seems, that the hanging, or to be more specific, the keeping up of the mezuzah has little to do with religious identification after all. Most, it seems view the ubiquitous mezuzah as little more than a good luck charm.

Now, for be it from me to scorn the disrespect of religion. If someone wants to make fun of, point out the many falsities or just plain piss on the face of Jesus, Yahweh and whoever the guy is that the Muslims worship then more power to them, or not, I really don’t care. But the point is, it seems that transforming a religious article that contains what millions of partially retarded religiously observant people consider to be the word of god into nothing more than a Semitic horse shoe, then that is the real offense to god. But hey, if god can’t take a good joke, then fuck him or her or it.

All power to the voo doo man.