State of the Blog

There have been complaints, though no names will be named. My blog is too political. First, fuck you (you know who you are) and, two, I'm caving in.

Fairies, butterflies, first kisses, walks on the beach, and midgets. Alright, enough of that happy bullshit.

My first article appeared in New Voices about video artists in Israel called Digital Dada. I'm working on the second piece about the Gaza disengagement plan. To add some color I'm approaching the subject from a hip hop angle. As part of my research I headed to Jerusalem this past Thursday. In the afternoon I headed off to the weekly freestyle gathering at Zion Square. That evening it was then off to the Old Jeruz Cipher at this great counter-culture club scene called Dalia. Rhymes were produced in English, Russian, Arabic and Hebrew. I enjoyed myself, as did the hundreds other folk assembled. In part, I enjoyed myself because I had a Taybeh beer.

Taybeh beer is delicious. According to the label "Taybeh (tai-beh) in Arabic means delicious." This is hardly a coincidence. I went to the brewery a few weeks back. It's just past Ramallah and supposedly I'm insane for having gone. But I'm an alcoholic - so back off jack ass, I'm just feeding the habit. Anyway, it's cheapest to buy at the brewery. As a Jew I'm left with few options. I went with a non-Jewish friend, though he's a Christian. Normally I would only hang out with Jewish people but none of them would come to the territories with me. Fucking leftists won't set foot over the green line out of fear - unless they're in uniform. So the Jewish representation that day included hundreds of thousands of occupiers and one lonely booz hound with his Jesus loving friend.

Prior to the event at Dalia I headed, with a friend, to the Diwan. This superb Jerusalem dive usually has Taybeh on tap. This particular evening it was unavailable, much to my chagrin. Apparently Taybeh brew master and co-owner Nadim wasn't just blowing smoke when he told us of the troubles of beer delivery under occupation [sorry, mutual coexistence]. Any hoo, I got that Taybeh, a golden as opposed to the superior dark, at Dalia, treated by a former Ramah camper of mine with an enlarged liver.

The following Saturday night it was up to Haifa for the opening of an art exhibit at the city's fabled Museum of Art. Manal Mahamid, an artist I interviewed for the New Voices piece, had an installation. I was very impressed with her work. Video of children playing on Cairo's streets projected onto a structure reminiscent of a sports stadium with a portion fashioned to resemble a playground slide.

There really is so much beauty in the world, despite all which is not and regardless of how much time I spend fixated on it in my blog. Hollywood endings aside, I often find myself nearly floored with joy and pleasure in this country - be it witnessing the artistic creation of man or god. The world is endless in what it offers and I urge each and every one of my readers to seek out its beauty.

It was a tragedy! No, it was a disaster!

Alright, this is not supposed to be my forum to only comment on the news, but this one was a bit too funny.

The actual title, on the front page of the International Herald Tribune, is:
Auschwitz adds to U.S.-EU friction

Come on guys, can't we just get along? But fear not, my dear, appalled reader/s, there is weight behind the hurt.

To sum it up, W isn't going to the 60th anniversary of the liberation. DO NOT judge ye bastards! He has bible study and he's already missed the last three. Besides, it's not like Jesus was persecuted in the camps, just the heathens who murdered him.

Now we're left with an interesting little tid-bit. The article refers to Israel's President Moshe Katsav, as the representative of the victims - and Russia's Putin the liberator and Germany's Kohler the perpetrator. So I lied, it's not a little tid-bit but a huge Jewish coup. Elders of Zion eat your fucking hearts out!

In print, on the front page, the Jews are the victims. America already knows this, we have them in our back pockets. They give us all the toys of death we want to play with, while openly flouting US policy, and never suffer more than a slap on the wrist (which us Jewish males are cool with since most of us our closet pervs).

Now we're well on our way to smacking the EU with a Holocaust complex so thick they'll wish they never even started it! And, don't worry our dear friend-of-the-Jews W, we know some of you favorite ceremonies are Holocaust related.

Extra, Extra - Nazis will ruin the party.

Now that your interest is peaked from the previous posting you’re probably asking yourself, “What was in the paper the next day?”

This was the front page layout:
A big ass picture of Elie Wiesel addressing the special session of the UN General Assembly. A major article on the blood libel's comeback in Russia, though I wouldn't call it a comeback, it's been here for years. And, somehow, a major ad sponsored by the World Zionist Organization and the Minister for Jerusalem and Diaspora Affairs. In it the nation is warned that "Antisemitism Continues to Sweep the World." It then urges the potential warrior of Zion to "Combat antisemitism today! Tomorrow may be too late." Information is then offered as to where a kit to combat anti-Semitism may be procured.

Hmm, that's gloomy, but what's really going on in the world?

I mean, sandwiched in between the blood libel threat and the big fucking ad is a small piece of valuable front page real estate given to covering Israel's Nuremberg style laws restricting Palestinian freedom of movement. And fuck you, I said Nuremberg style, anyway, Nuremberg was Jewish right?

Finally, on page 2 we get a piece on the rise in sexual harassment in the IDF. Of course, we're missing all the good reports on rape, murder, Israel's apartheid wall and all the other "color" that gives the modern Jewish state its charm.

You see, us Jews get to coalesce and comfort one another that it will be alright. We have suffered and that we will continue to suffer, and that we will do so together. It's a nice fantasy. It gives you that warm fuzzy feeling - like when you come inside after spending time in the anti-Semitic cold. How about we stop playing the victim and put some real news in the paper.

And for all you Holocaust buffs out there, you can still have the page before the sports section.

MMM...That's Good Holocaust Milk!

It's rare that you get to open the morning's paper and see an interesting transition in the day's headlines. But this was my good fortune on Monday, January 24, 2005 - and even a bit of extension to the paper the day after.

We start with the UN's historic commemoration of the 60th anniversary of Auschwitz's liberation. Following this piece is one on the Israeli cabinet's praising quiet in Gaza, though warning of its fragility. This is joined, by the IDF Chief of Staff awaiting reports on Rafah house demolitions. As we get to the bottom, we read that the Arab birthrate has dropped for the first time in years; followed by a short piece regarding Labor's Ben-Eliezer's decision to run for the party's top spot.

The Holocaust, as we all know, was the single most important political event in Jewish history. It can be used to justify all sorts of actions and policies and Jewish indifference to the suffering of other people. Provided their suffering does not equal that experienced by the Jews in the Holocaust. And no one's suffering ever does, because we get to decide. So take that black people and your slavery or Palestinians and your occupation or Jews and your holocaust. Shit, not so much that last one.

And, now for the connection - conspiracy theorists put your helmets on!

First, while the UN is marking the liberation we have successfully shifted its regular agenda from constant condemnation of Israeli policy. While its focus is diverted, we have gotten PA chairman Abu Mazen to put some effort in stopping the Qassam rockets being launched at Israeli civilians. And it seems, rather than just have the rockets redirected at Israeli military installations, Abu Mazen's going "all the way" with this effort. So finally we'll be able to occupy with some peace and quiet!

But not really since the peace and quiet is tenuous at best. Though Israel is more a fan of offering the reason as remaining terrorist elements, my guess is that it also has to do with the fact that should the Qassams cease settlements will remain, house demolitions will continue and IDF will continue to refuse to ring the door bell when it comes calling in the middle of the night taking men away for military detention and secret trials.

None of this really matters though, because finally, Israel has a chance at the waiting game. With Arab birthrates dropping we can now sit back in comfort knowing that the demographic shift has been put off for a few more years. Thank God, Allah or the Trojan Man for that one.

And, with the shit potentially buffed out, a fat fuck like Fuad Ben-Eliezer, a conservative Laborite, can seek a bit more glory and fame in the name of peace.

Bezeq: The Zionist Enemy

Fuck Bezeq! It's an improper use of the letter q.

Really, the Israeli telecommunication monopoly is the bastardly side-note to Theodore Herzl's poorly thought out master plan. It is the Zionist enemy and, as such, needs to be dealt with in the harshest of ways - political policy and military action.

Being that the Israeli army is busy occupying the future state of Palestine and due to its general unwillingness to target Jewish or Israeli institutions, I am left with no choice but to turn to Palestinian forces. Not the "could-go-either-way" troops of the Palestinian Authority but the "fuck the Jolice*" hard-core muthah fuckahs of Hamas; and whatever is to the right of Hamas.

I call upon thee all, "Target Bezeq! Show no mercy and be thorough." I assure you that your new mission will be understood, even championed by the Israeli public. Free us of the cancerous Zionist Bezeq entity and you will own our hearts. Accomplish this and we'll drive ourselves into the sea. Though perhaps only during warm weather and by 'sea' I mean within the green line.

Perhaps a brief explanation is in order for the Diaspora folk who I like to think frequent this blog.

When we're talking about Bezeq, we're talking about a monopoly. So it is only fitting to use the board game Monopoly by Parker Brothers for example. You know how when you play Monopoly and the person who holds the monopoly becomes an asshole, doing what he pleases and not giving a god damned fuck about the other people playing? Well, in the world of Israeli telecommunications that is Bezeq.

Luckily, there are a few signs that this era of horror is soon to end - on one hand, due to the unfortunate economic policies of Minister of Finance Benjamin "sodomize the social fabric" Netanyahu. On the other, due to the cable companies having been granted license to establish a competing home phone service over the internet.

May the good Lord deliver his flock from the evil perils of this Amalekite monopolistic infrastructure. Amen.

*Jolice - Jew + police, meaning "fuck the Jews" as conveyed through a very clever play on words.

Israel Cuts Ties Despite Its Face

Ariel Sharon has instructed his government to cut all ties with the Palestinian Authority. Good idea? Bad idea? Or just no thought put into this new policy at all?

I would venture the guess that plenty of thought was put into the decision. Just nothing that includes critical thinking or a heroic shift in Israeli policy in an attempts to get us anywhere in the name of peace.

Don't get me wrong, the Palestinians have to make some major shifts too. But I'll pre-empt my god damned right-wing friends and family, who will offer the standard line of no criticism of Israel till the Palestinians get their shit together. This is the same bullshit logic that Sharon continues to promote, keeping us locked into the status quo.

The point is the Palestinians have a valid narrative as well. With Israel continuing to ignore it, rather than engage it in dialogue, we're missing two things.

First, this is a statement that the other's narrative can be dismissed, a point heard loud and clear by the Palestinian enemy. Second, we continue to be the Zionist enemy since, instead of asking what this means, it suits us to ignore or rally against it because it falls harshly upon our ears.

We are the Zionist enemy. Israel's continued building and expansion of settlements is a colonial enterprise, one that does not serve any economic or social purpose. As for security, the settlements are used as a bargaining chip, we say when terrorism stops we'll withdraw.

The reflexive statement is terrorism will stop when you withdraw. Same words, different order, different meaning and little to bridge the two highly varied doctrines.

No dialogue means no chance to hear and be heard. Israel continues to do itself a disservice , pushing the Palestinians into a corner from which they'll emerge carrying the banner of human rights, under which they will be victorious.

The doctrine of one person, one vote - along with equal rights with citizenship for all - as the alternative to an occupation will prove most difficult to argue against.

Israel spells out her own death turning this conflict into a waiting game. The numbers and international tide is building against us. The Jewish banner of the Holocaust is already starting to lose its poignancy within the Jewish world, let alone within the gentile masses. Claiming victimhood will not do us much good for ever.

Israel: The Imperial Occupier or Occupied Imperialist?

http://www.mcdonalds.co.il/popups/mcshoarma.mpg

Can you fucking believe this?

A few years back there was a McDonald's offering, McFalafel. After three years of telling people that I had seen such a thing and no one else having known anything of this McWorld apparition, I was recently validated. Another human being had seen and remembered the ads for this big-ass falafel patty sandwiched in between two sesame seed buns.

So with some online proof, it is very important to me that as many people as possible learn of the McShoarma (they're spelling, not mine) so that I'll have who to make fun of it when it goes off the market in, I'm guessing, a couple of weeks.

Come on Ronald, you're business in Israel is overpriced, shitty hamburgers. I understand the sensitivities of adding local items to the menu, it's important to mask that whole imperialist American colonialist occupying corporation stigma. But I would suggest that is more of a concern in a place like India where the locals might have a moral objection to overpriced, shitty hamburgers of their god. Or in America, where stupid, fat fucks think a McVeggie burger is a) really vegetarian (you know, like the fries) and b) fat-free, low-fat and/or healthy (you know, like the fries).

Here in Israel, you're not fooling anybody.

And, this is where I have to admit that I am totally wrong. McDonald's is fooling everybody. But not me, except once a month, when I get that Big Mac attack. And we all know, there's only one way to subdue a Big Mac attack.

Saturday, a couch and the weekend magazine

Haaretz Magazine arrives every Friday, in the morning. Each week I first read Family Affair, over my morning coffee or on the hopper. In either case, a ceramic instrument containing brown liquid is part of the ritual.

This week's cover feature is a profile of Yaakov Heruti, titled The Heruti Code.

This man has killed innocent civilians as a participant in clandestine paramilitary activity - before and after the founding of Israel. He's quick to exonerate himself of any terrorist activity. Heruti is a lawyer, so he's in the know.

He makes the claim that all of his actions are acts of a freedom fighter. Because civilians were not the targets of his operations, they were not acts of terrorism. That civilians were killed is the unfortunate side note to this reality.

But Heruti's pre-State activity led him to his post-State activity, acting outside the framework of the defense or security forces. This is in direct opposition to the democratic values of the country he worked to found.

So, it becomes incredibly problematic that Israel honors these pre-State Jewish/Zionist terrorist organizations. Both the Irgun and Stern Gang, in which Heruti was a member, have plaques and commemorating their actions and landmarks throughout the country.

An important point is made, however, that acts of violence targeting members of the defense establishment or state officials are not acts of terrorism. This holds true even for the Palestinian freedom fighters attacking Israeli soldiers. This is an act of war, not terror, Heruti says.